Probably the best locks in the world

I'm off to Denmark today and shall be there for a few days. I'm expecting some seriously strict lock designs. Will ensure I keep all you lock spotters updated.

Twatter

Hey, I'm now on Twitter. I still need to retro post my earlier findings but all future posts will be available for you and your friends to enjoy. Follow ToiletLockFan at http://twitter.com/ToiletLockFan

More importantly I now have an email address where you can send your finds. Just mail toiletlockfanatic@gmail.com. Hey, you may even get featured on this here blog. Wow! I may also send out some t-shirts for the best finds. Exciting!

Anyway, enough of this social media bollox. Let's get back to the good stuff.

I found this at the Princes Club where you can go wakeboarding. You'll probably notice it's from a portaloo, yup you got it. It's pretty standard for these type of loos. Only last weekend I was at a campsite and noticed the very same lock mechanism on a slightly different design portaloo. Does this mean we are closer to the one solution to the one problem? (see first ever post) Probably not.

I must admit, the locking mechanism is pretty special. Plastic on plastic provides the smoothest of locking action, something you just don't get with metal. And it's chunky so you initially feel secure. However, for some reason I never feel secure in these things. Maybe cos it's not that private and you know you've always got someone else outside waiting impatiently. Or maybe because I saw some punks tipping a load over when I was at Reading Festival '99. Not pretty.

Lockability 5/5
Securibility 2/5
Lookability 4/5

Verrouillage régulier

Jon, our European correspondent, has sent through an absolute magnifique toilet lock. Here's what he had to say:

"On a recent stay in a delightful pension in France I was fortunate enough to be at the mercy of this little fella.

Immediately I was taken by the satisfaction of turning that rotary knob anti-clockwise to fully witness the locking mechanism take effect. The knob was like something you'd find on the heating control of a 1987 Mercedes E class; it felt like it would last a lifetime!

While this lock was truly functional, it was petite (yes,that's french) and I'm not convinced it could stand up to a stampede of French buffalo (who I might add are notoriously dangerous in this region).

And for the looks; well too many support screws (6 in total) and with that fake gold appearance it was like something you would find in the jewellery section of the Argos catalogue.

But, all in all, a solid performer! Well done France!"

Well, that says it all really.

Lockability 5/5
Securibilty 2/5
Lookability 3/5 ( I actually think it looks awesome)

Hooked on you

This is one of those where I'm sure there once stood a fine example of a toilet lock. Ripped off selfishly there remains six empty screw holes slowly corroding like spider eyes eagerly waiting for the next person to take a picture of what has replaced its previous glory. Just look at what the management have replaced it with, one of those hook type things which barely holds it together. I mean, the last time I saw this kind of set-up was rusting away on the side of my folks beach-hut which kind of gave them a false sense of security what with the massive chain and deadlock that really did the securing at the front.

Let's be honest here, it's not really a toilet lock but a temporary solution I'm sure the management put it in place with the intention of replacing it with the real deal. I wish I'd spoken to the management and asked them what they were thinking. I also wish I could remember where I took this picture so you could go there too and feel as great as I did when I discovered it. To be honest, I'm glad they didn't replace it.

Lockability 2/5
Securibility 1/5
Lookability 2/5

Silverstone VIP

My good friend Chris knows that I'm into a bit of the F1 so I was delighted when a text popped up on my phone with the words 'Silverstone VIP toilet'. So here's what our (new) Sports correspondent had to say -

"Silverstone VIP toilet. The damn lever ain't level. I'm a vip goddamit. I demand level levers. Security 10/10 due to security staff outside. Looks, like button on the final stretch, beautiful.".

I'd have to agree with him about the level lever but this toilet lock definitely deserves the podium.

Lockabilty 4/5
Securibility 5/5
Lookability 4/5

NASA

Check out this cool customer. Can't remember where I took it but it's got a nice and safe attitude. Which reminds me of that silly clothing line all the cool rave kids used to wear when I was about 12 years old. NASA! Not to be confused with the space people.

Lockability 4/5
Securibilty 4/5
Lookabilty 4/5

Stateside security

My friend over at http://rockieburgerrun.blogspot.com/ is currently touring the Rockies in search of burgers. I'm pleased to say that he's found himself getting into the toilet lock phenomenon. Or should I say restroom, bathroom, conveniences yadayada - take your (lock) pick.

I'm honoured to have received these pictures from Rocky Burger Run and am excited that we now have an American correspondent. I guess it's only a matter of time before this phenomenon goes truly global.

As the title of his email stated, these can be filed in the 'is it or isn't it' category. These are some fine examples of American locksmithism, it's just a shame they haven't answered that all important question - is this lock actually locked?

It's complicated

I remember my GCSE art teacher telling me that clever design was all about taking something that had already been done and making it slightly better without overcomplicating things. At the time I thought that was ridiculous. Why would I copy something only to make it slightly better? Surely I could just do something 'much' better without having to waste time looking at what other people had done?

So the following is a classic example of pure over complicatedness (yes, that word does exist). If only this door had listened to Mr Clench like I didn't.

Lockability 2/5 - only the small fella worked
Securibility 3/5 - even though it's the small one it was far more secure than his big brother above
Lookability 2/5 - too much fuss

Lock steady

I found this classy one when I was in Aarhus in Denmark. It's a strict design and oozes efficiency. So strict even the worst fiddles-worth's of this world couldn't get in a muddle. You also get that added visual bonus of seeing the lock mechanism engage the door frame as you easily turn it 90 degrees anticlockwise. Strict.

Lockability 4/5
Securibility 5/5
Lookability 4/5

What a disgrace

Here's a shocker of a toilet lock. Probably one of the worst examples. I can't remember where I took it. It's the sort of rubbish you'd find in some sh*te wannabe gig venue. You know the one, a standard issue pub that happens to have a slightly raised bit of 'stage' and the tiniest PA you can imagine and touts itself as the best ever gig venue this side of Stratford. I often wonder how the lock gets in a state where it doesn't exist. Is there a lock thief out there who thinks, 'you know what, this would look great in my best ever gig venue'? Or is it missing because someone just got angry and tore the bstrd off? Who knows. What I do know though is that these types don't score very well.

Lockability 0/5
Securibility 0/5
Lookability 1/5 (for the leftover remains)

Mile high club

So I took these on a flight to and from Berlin. A pretty unique set to snap unless you're one of those jet setter types. Pretty ugly but you've got to give credit to how strict the instructions are. I mean, how often does the toilet lock tell you how to lock itself? The slide action is in good order too. You feel secure as the light snaps out of dim mode as soon as you lock the door but I can't help thinking what I would do if the 'go back to your seat and put your seat belt back on' light started to flash.

Securability 4/5
Lookability 2/5
Lockability 4/5



The bonus instruction on this one makes me laugh. What about 'Close door immediately WHEN in use' or is that taking an instructional sign too far? Like the comedy pages of an exam paper. 'This page is intentionally blank'.

Lock and load

I like things. I particularly like the way humans build things. I like the way humans build things to solve simple problems. I like the way humans attempt to solve the same problem in so many different ways. Take the simple toilet lock (or restroom lock if you're reading this stateside). What a fascinating invention.

The problem - ensure no one can interrupt your precious toilet time. The simple solution - provide a locking mechanism:
a) to make you feel comfortably safe that no one is gonna bust in
b) that is robust and easy to use
c) that is pleasant on the eye.

Simple eh! So why is it that there are so many different versions of the humble toilet lock? This fascinates me and I'm sure if you really think about it it will fascinate you too. So next time you're out and find yourself in a toilet cubicle have a look at the lock and appreciate what you're looking at. Better still, get out your iPhone and take a picture like I've been doing for the last six months. In no time at all you'll build up quite a collection. I guarantee that no two locks are the same.

I'd love to see your pics so send 'em over and I'll feature them on these very pages. You'll also be pleased to know that me and a few mates are working on a delightful iPhone app which will revolutionise the way you can share your toilet lock collection.

So let me start you off with a classic standard issue lock.
- steady looks (3/5)
- a nice turn action (3/5)
- and a good feeling of security (3/5)




My vast collection has some absolute beauties in it from locks that don't lock (!) to locks of the highest engineering order. There really are some damn right bizarre locks out there. I look forward to sharing them with you all. I guarantee you'll become obsessed with this silly little game. I know I have.

Lock and load people, lock and load.